Forgiveness
by AdayaSage
Summary: A Christmas Eve that was supposed to be simple turns into much more when Elena reveals her past. Are there some things you can't be forgiven for?


Forgiveness

"I don't think I ever told you much about my past, did I?"

"Not much, just little bits, stuff about your sister, that sort of thing." The redhead replied. He wrapped his arm around the blonde girl who sat next to him on the couch.

Elena sighed against him, barely watching the screen in front of her, her mind too engrossed in the past to think about the present. Reno looked down at her with his cat like eyes, he could see exactly what she was feeling, a result of working together for so long. Her brown eyes looked empty, drifting off to some dark place in her mind. He wished he could drag her away from it, but there was nothing he could do. She would stay there until she had figured out a way out of whatever problem it was she was dealing with. That's just how she was, how she had always been. Elena was so bubbly and ditzy sometimes he forgot how much she had really been through. How much they had been through. But it was different for him, he was used to this, his eyes were like steel now, that lopsided smirk gave nothing away.

Except to her. She could always tell what it was that he was thinking, she read him like a book. He had always loved that about her.

"Why do you bring it up?" Reno asked, no hint of teasing playfulness in his voice. Her eyes brightened a little as she was brought back to the present, her porcelain skin gained a little of it's glow back. Just as quickly it was gone.

Why couldn't he keep her away from all the dark memories, from all the regrets? Why wasn't what he did enough? He felt so helpless when they sat there together, and then suddenly she was gone, remembering some dark thing she had done.

"I-it's just our first Christmas, at least where we're really together. And it just reminded me of the feeling." She almost whispered, scared the words would vanish off her tongue and take the sweet memory with them. He held her tighter, she held her long fingers onto his sleeve, he kissed her forehead, wishing with everything in him that memories would go away. Just for tonight.

"What feeling?" He whispered too, scared to bring up a painful past that she'd rather forget. He got careless a lot, and he didn't want to be careless now. He wanted to be right there with her, he didn't want to be the one who reminded her of her problems.

"I remember what Christmas was like, when I was a little girl. My sister, and my parents," Here she smiled, that bright wonderful smile that made the stars look dim. "We would sit around the TV, and watch all those old Christmas specials. The house would be covered in garland, lights, and ribbon. And then the tree…We always picked the most beautiful tree, the fluffiest we could find. And after all the decorating was done, and when Christmas Eve arrived we'd each open a gift after dinner, and my father would sit at the piano, and we'd sing." 

A tear slipped from her brown eyes, brown like root beer candy, or chocolate. He had always loved her eyes.

"What would you sing?" He asked, watching as the far away look took her somewhere light for once, somewhere that her regrets didn't reach. Or at least he hoped so, he hadn't heard the end of this story yet.

"We'd sing just about everything, any Christmas song we could think of…But mostly, we sang hymns." She paused and looked up at him a moment, her focus on the memory gone for the time being.

Elena's eyes looked into his own, he wished he knew what she was looking for.

"Hymns?" He asked lamely, he didn't know what else to say, what he could say to make her smile. Now wasn't the time for some word of wit or sarcasm.

She looked back towards the screen again, it sat next to the fireplace, where a bright and glorious fire lit up the dim room. The flames danced across her eyes, the shadows of it across her face. He wished he could make the shadows of her past disappear.

She closed those eyes, the ones that made him feel so bright and clean, the ones that took away what he had done. And tears fell from them once more. Slow gentle tears, flowing down her cheeks, turning her porcelain face just the slightest shade of pink.

"Did I ever tell you I was a Christian once?" She asked, her voice broken, as if she had just told him that her family was dead.

"You were?" Reno asks before he can stop himself. He inwardly sighs, wishing he had chosen a better choice of words, wishing he hadn't sounded so shocked.

"Yes." She nodded, a smile, small and fragile came onto her lips. "I was…But then…My sister was gone, and my parents. Just like that." She snapped her fingers. "In an instant everything I knew had been taken away, and I blamed God for it. I hated him for it. I didn't understand why he was punishing me. I didn't understand what I had done to make him so mad." She sobbed.

The red head closed his eyes. Feeling a tear roll down his cheek, he'd heard the story about how she lost her family. Though not from her. It was her boss that had told him. Just after she had been partnered with him for a mission. He remembered the car crash, the bridge, everything.

He couldn't do anything, so he just sat and listened.

"So when I found you guys, when I got offered a place to stay and a job that sounded exciting, I took it. Even though I was sure it'd make God hate me more. I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. Then the missions started coming, and I did all those things, and I felt like if I even wanted to turn back to God now I couldn't. He wouldn't want me like this. He wouldn't look at me like this."

She paused, looking at the fire, replaying all the memories. She could still see the faces, the faces of those she'd hurt. What must've went through their families heads when they found out.

"And now, it's Christmas Eve, and all I want is to be forgiven for what I've done." With that she couldn't take it anymore. She brought her knees up to her chest and started to cry, hiding her face in her arms. He held onto her as best he could. Resting his head on her shoulder.

"Who say's you can't be?" He whispered softly, pulling her short hair away from her face. He kissed her ear and leaned his head against hers. He closed his eyes, taking in the scent of orange blossoms from her perfume.

"He wouldn't let me take back what I've done." She said, her voice solid as steel, her eyes darkening as she stared at the fire again.

"That's not what I heard." He smiled, finally, his aquamarine eyes lighting up. He'd heard a dozen times what God's forgiveness was about. "Last I heard it mentioned, he forgets everything, wipes your record clean. He knew you were gonna screw up before you ever did. I love you even when you screw up, so, just a shot in the dark here, but I'm pretty sure he can too." He smiled as he seen the steel melt away from her eyes, revealing those oh so vulnerable and childlike eyes she still possessed.

Sometimes, just sometimes he chose the perfect words.

"Do you think he can really forgive me?"

"What better night to find out than Christmas Eve?"


End file.
